Editor’s Note: Don’t worry, this is satire. But we do have a great resource if you need to improve listening in your organization. Check out our course listings for more details.
You’ve always wanted to listen better.
You know the results of the studies: leaders listen more than they talk.
You’ve seen the infographics: listening moves your career ahead faster than anything else. And you get to keep your clothes on.
You know it intellectually, but it’s hard to implement.
Your mouthy mouth talks more than it should.
If only there were a device that forced your brain to listen and your mouth to remain closed.
After years, decades even, of your mouth prattling on with little to no input from your ears and your brain, there is finally a solution. We’re calling this patented technology “Listenings.”
Drastically Improves Your Listening
Improve your listening 217% with the breakthrough technology of Listenings. They have the visual appeal of earrings but this accessory does more than merely accessorize.
Listenings amplify the intellectual process of listening and reduce the likelihood of saying something stupid. First, the patented technology moves all human voice sound waves to the front of the queue for brain processing. The prioritized sound waves are held in the brain until comprehension is complete. Then, and only then, is there capacity in your brain to formulate a response.
Listen More, Talk Smarter
Listenings preempt your brain from releasing unnecessary words from your mouth. In fact, all attempts at speech are cycled back through your brain for accuracy, relevance and emotional intelligence not once, not twice, but three times – thus reducing the probability of saying something asinine by more than 382%. You’ll produce smart, engaging, relevant responses every time.
Listenings calibrate themselves to the power dynamic of the situation. They’ll amp up their frequency around your boss and your boss’s boss. And they’ll tune out that annoying person in your office who can’t stop talking about the bad date he had in 2004.
Listenings are designed in both women’s and men’s styles and come in a variety of attractive styles.
Bonus: Your Spouse Will Listen Better for Just Pennies a Day
For just an additional $99 upgrade to the Spousal Listenings and give them as a gift you your significant other. He’ll be listening to you just like he did when you were dating, hanging on your every word and responding with empathy, intelligence and appropriateness.
Now here’s the part where I quit being so silly. ?
Working Conversations has programs to help your staff (and yourself) to become better listeners and better communicators. We can’t promise that your staff will improve their listening by hundreds of percentage points. But we do stand by our training programs and guarantee your satisfaction.
Contact Working Conversations today to start a conversation about your organization’s communication needs today.
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