Common Misunderstandings at Work

communication-problem

That’s not what I meant!

Oh, if only we never had to say that – at work or at home!

But alas, we do.  Misunderstandings happen.

Here are three of the most common misunderstandings that happen at work along with my advice on how to deal with them.

1) Misattribution of motives. This is when we guess wrong about why someone did something. The human brain is a sense-making machine and it wants to know why someone did (or didn’t do) something. In the absence of information, we make up a motive and we are usually wrong.

The best way to mitigate against this is to stop and check in with yourself when you think someone has intentionally wronged you. Ask yourself how much hard evidence you have to support your conclusion that the other person has acted maliciously. If you don’t have much (or any!) evidence, get curious and ask the person some questions about why they did what they did (or didn’t do).  Assume positive intent until you have hard evidence to the contrary.

 

2) Misunderstandings on email. We regularly misunderstand one another over email because we have limited social cues (i.e., no tone of voice, eye contact, facial expression) to aid our comprehension of the message. When email misunderstandings occur, people feel threatened and get defensive.  That often shows up as CCing others on the reply to the email as a form of vindication and proof that the sender of the email was wrong.

To avoid this misunderstanding I suggest following the rule of three: if there have been three emails exchanged and you haven’t understood each other, pick up the phone and speak to them in person. Another tip is when you are feeling angry or frustrated with someone and are tempted to CC someone on the exchange, check to see if there is a misunderstanding first.

 

3) Assuming agreement. Naturally, we want others to agree with us. In our current culture of too much to do and not enough time to do it, we often jump to conclusions that others agree with us, when in fact, we haven’t asked enough questions and engaged them effectively to find out if they agree or not.

To avoid jumping to a conclusion that you have reached agreement, state your objective (i.e., the need to reach a decision together) at the outset of the conversation. Then conclude the interaction with restating the conclusion or agreement as a comprehension check.

What other misunderstandings do you experience at work?

Post them in the comments below and I’ll give my best advice on how to address them.

  • 0

    Cue Routine Reward

    Passed over for a promotion yet again, Sandra came to me frustrated and angry.  After we talked for a bit, I asked her how her morning at the office started each day. She explained that she came into the office each morning, head down and aiming straight for her office. She made little eye contact with others and usually had no specific interactions with people apart from the occasional “Excuse me” or “Third floor, please,” in the elevator.

    Sandra spent the first 45 minutes of her day catching up on email. With colleagues in other time zones (and local colleagues who seemed to work around the clock), email felt like the bane of Sandra’s existence. If she could at least get her inbox to a manageable size before the day of meetings and project work began, she felt a sense of accomplishment. It was good to start the day ahead of the game, she thought.

    Shortly after she started working for her current employer, Sandra felt continuously behind on her work, especially email. She resolved one day, years ago, to get caught up one morning. She came in with absolute focus, spoke to no one on the way to her desk, and churned through several hundred emails before coming up for air. When she was done, she felt a rush of accomplishment. And she began to repeat the pattern.

    What Sandra didn’t realize was that this habit of “head’s down” approach first thing in the day was impeding her relationships with her co-workers, even the ones she worked the most closely with.  In the absence of even a smile or a quick hello, people thought of Sandra as aloof and standoffish, hardly material for a promotion.

    Sandra’s pattern follows the routine researchers at MIT have discovered when it comes to habit: it starts with a cue or a trigger.  For Sandra, that was hundreds of unread and unanswered emails in her inbox. Prompted by the cue, she implemented a routine: a head’s down approach to clearing her inbox, complete with the absolute focus while walking to her desk. And finally, reward. For Sandra, the reward was the sense of accomplishment she felt heading off to her first meeting with her inbox at zero.

    Cue –> Routine –> Reward.

    Those are the makings of a habit.

    Left unchecked, our repeated behaviors develop into habits with no conscious effort on our part.

    Or habits can be deliberately designed to support who you are and what you want to create for yourself professionally.

    What do your habits say about you?

    Let me know in the comments below.

  • 0

    keyboard

     

    I’m breaking up with email.

    I’m in an all-out effort to be more productive and focused. As such, I’m experimenting with various productivity techniques. This week, I’m reducing my dependency on email as a distraction and a vice. It’s harder than I thought. Way. Harder.

    I’ve long touted the benefits of checking email two or three times per day when teaching emerging leaders how to be more strategically effective. And just between you and me, I thought I practiced this myself.  Until I got real with myself this week and actually turned email off – closed the application, the webmail version and turned off the “new mail” chime on my smartphone.  Then the shizzle got real.

    Take this morning for example: I’m in my office, prepping for a speech I’m giving on Friday. I’m combing through data from interview research to find the most compelling stories to support the points I’m making. As soon as I bump up against a challenge, like not easily finding a story that illustrates my point, I reach for email.

    Or as soon as I come to a natural transition point, I reach for email. I just completed one of the sections of the speech.  I have only one section to go (plus the conclusion), and what do I do? I reach for effing email. Sheesh!!

    I’ve often spoken about how email is as addictive as cocaine, sugar and Facebook. Somehow, I thought I was immune. I think we all do.  We think that we are stronger than that. We, certainly, don’t succumb to the dopamine rush that the brain produces when we get a new email.  But alas, we do. Totally.

    From an addiction standpoint, email has the perfect combination of elements:

    • It’s infrequent. You never know exactly when one is coming. Which makes it so much more exciting when you get one!
    • It’s personal. Even if it is a mailing list you are subscribed to, it’s most often addressed to you personally.
    • It’s the perfect procrastination tool. It feels like work. Like important work.

    And so, on this morning, as the minutes tick down until noon, when I can next check my email (one hour, fourteen minutes to go), I reach for my blog instead, hoping for a hit of dopamine somewhere down the line, when a reader comments on the posting.

    Perhaps blogging will become my next vice.

    And, if you’ve sent me an email this morning . . .

    expect a response at either noon or 4:00 pm.

  • 0